


I will help you swim

by transmasc_jamestkirk



Series: mcdannoshimuri [1]
Category: Hawaii Five-0 (2010)
Genre: Don't copy to another site, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Flashbacks, Fluff and Angst, Getting Together, Happy Ending, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Panic Attacks, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-24
Updated: 2020-03-24
Packaged: 2021-03-01 02:34:21
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,874
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23287846
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/transmasc_jamestkirk/pseuds/transmasc_jamestkirk
Summary: The frantic knocking on the door quickly roused Steve from his slumber. Glancing at the clock as he made his way to the door, he saw that it read 2:31. Concern welled up in his chest; a knock on the door in the middle of the night was never, ever a good thing.The knot in his stomach loosened slightly when he saw Adam’s familiar shape standing on the porch.“Adam, what’s going on?” He asked as he opened the door. Eddie looked up sleepily from his spot on the couch.The faint light leaking from inside the house landed on Adam’s face. He looked pale, shaky. Almost as if he’d seen a ghost.“Sorry Steve, I just- I- I don’t know.” His voice was just as shaky as the rest of him. He curled into himself, into the hoodie that it was far too warm for.The knot tightened back up. “Come on in. We can chat in here.”
Relationships: Steve McGarrett/Adam Noshimuri, Steve McGarrett/Adam Noshimuri/Danny "Danno" Williams, Steve McGarrett/Danny "Danno" Williams
Series: mcdannoshimuri [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1674775
Comments: 6
Kudos: 61





	I will help you swim

**Author's Note:**

> Well, I'm back at it again with mcdannoshimuri. I don't care if I'm the only person writing for this ship, I refuse to quit. More seriously, this fic contains Adam having a PTSD flashback and accidentally harming himself (very slightly), so if that could make you uncomfortable please skip this!! Take care of yourselves folks.
> 
> Enjoy my take on how Adam joins Steve and Danny's relationship while addressing the PTSD Steve and Adam both definitely have

The frantic knocking on the door quickly roused Steve from his slumber. Glancing at the clock as he made his way to the door, he saw that it read 2:31. Concern welled up in his chest; a knock on the door in the middle of the night was never, _ever_ a good thing.

The knot in his stomach loosened slightly when he saw Adam’s familiar shape standing on the porch.

“Adam, what’s going on?” He asked as he opened the door. Eddie looked up sleepily from his spot on the couch.

The faint light leaking from inside the house landed on Adam’s face. He looked pale, shaky. Almost as if he’d seen a ghost.

“Sorry Steve, I just- I- I don’t know.” His voice was just as shaky as the rest of him. He curled into himself, into the hoodie that it was far too warm for.

The knot tightened back up. “Come on in. We can chat in here.”

Adam kept his head down as he slowly entered Steve’s house. He slunk to the couch and plopped down next to Eddie.

Steve took a second closing the door. The fear and exhaustion were fighting a war in his body.

“I’m gonna make some coffee, you want some?” He called out, making his way to the kitchen.

“No, I’m alright.”

Steve had a feeling those words were far from the truth, but said nothing as he made his coffee. Re-appearing moments later, a steaming mug fresh in hand, Steve sat down in the chair to Adam’s left.

Adam ended his petting of Eddie- to the dog’s annoyance- and immediately apologized.

“I’m sorry Steve, it’s late and I shouldn’t be here. I don’t know what I was thinking-“

“Stop. Sit down.” He interrupted as Adam stood to leave.

He dropped back to his seat without a word.

“What happened?” Steve’s voice was much gentler.

Adam sighed and looked down.

“I don’t know. One minute I was asleep and then the next I woke up screaming from a nightmare. I got up but I could still _see_ it. No matter where I looked, I could see it.” He took a shuddering breath, “I didn’t know what to do… so I came here.”

“Can you tell me what you saw?”

“I don’t remember everything. I dreamt that I was in the jungle with the Yakuza and the ants were crawling over me and and,” He took another breath and closed his eyes, “I could feel it. I could feel the bites and the crawling and it wouldn’t go away even when I woke up. I could still see the ants and feel it and I kept seeing Yakuza figures out of the corner of my eye.”

He scratched frantically at his arm. The itching, burning sensation of the ants swarming his body wouldn’t leave. His skin was buzzing with thousands of little legs. Scratching harder and harder, Adam fought frantically against the buzzing of his skin. Oxygen was getting sucked out of his lungs, ants were crawling into his mouth; he was going to die, he was going to die, he was going to-

“Adam, hey you’re okay. You’re safe here.”

Something caught his hands. The rope was digging into his flesh, scraping away at skin raw from bites. He had to get out.

“You’re safe here buddy, you’re safe. There are no ants. Just you and me here, Adam.”

A scream tore itself out of his throat.

“Breathe with me Adam. Feel my heartbeat, the rise and fall of my chest. Just focus on me.”

His hand was pressed against something warm. A steady pulse beat against his shaking hands.

“You feel that? That’s me. I’m here and I am real. You and me and Eddie, we’re real. The ants, they’re not. You’re safe.”

As if taking his cue, Eddie hopped up and began licking Adam’s face.

“Eddie! Get down!”

There was something wet on Adam’s face. It wasn’t the occasional drip from the roof of the container, it was a rough, methodical… licking?

“Sorry about that. You comin’ back to me buddy?”

Adam cracked open his eyes. Eddie’s head was firmly on his lap, and his left hand was pressed against Steve’s chest- right above his heart. Adam’s right hand was still firmly in Steve’s grip.

“Steve?” His voice was rough.

“I’m right here Adam. You with me now?” Steve responded; voice gentle.

Adam nodded. Pulling his hand from Steve’s chest, he noticed something strange. Something dropped in Adam’s stomach as he took in the red scrapes and scratch marks adorning his arm, one so deep that a little rivulet of blood was trickling down towards his elbow. Wheezing, he desperately tried to fill his lungs with oxygen and slow his heart rate.

He was safe. He was with Steve. Steve would make sure nothing happened to him.

Standing, Steve let go of Adam’s wrist.

“I’m gonna go grab a first aid kit, is that okay?” He asked.

Adam nodded.

Steve returned quickly and gently picked up Adam’s arm.

“Is it okay if I get you out of that hoodie? I just wanna make sure you didn’t hurt yourself anywhere else.”

Adam nodded again.

“Fuck Steve, I’m sorry. I don’t know what got into me and it’s not fair that I made you be a part of it.”

Steve stopped what he was doing and looked Adam in the eye.

“No. We’re family Adam, this is what we do for each other. And I know exactly what you’re feeling.”

He cocked his head.

“That was a flashback. I used to get them a lot when I came back from Korea.”

Silence fell again as Steve reached for the zipper of Adam’s sweatshirt. Adam tried not to shy away in shame as his sweatshirt was unzipped and helped off his body. His sweat-soaked chest shivered in the cold air. Steve said nothing and set to work cleaning and bandaging Adam’s arm.

“Sorry, I was too out of it to put on a real shirt.”

“No worries, brother.”

Silence fell again until Steve broke it moments later.

“You really did a number on yourself here, but it looks like the rest of you is okay. Your other wrist is probably a little raw, but this is the only spot where you drew blood.” Steve explained as he finished wrapping the bandage.

Adam spoke softly. “I don’t know what’s happening to me.”

“Adam, you suffered through a traumatic event and you’re having flashbacks. It happens to a lot of people, including me. I know it’s scary but you can get through it. The family is your team and we will always be here to support you, and there are treatments available if you need more help.”

Adam said nothing, but rubbed his hands down his face. Eddie wiggled so he was practically laying across Adam’s lap, and nosed his face in between Adam’s hands. He couldn’t help but let out a weak chuckle and lower his hands to scratch behind Eddie’s ears. Steve stood to put away the first aid kit, but paused to watch the two interact. A warm sensation filled his chest. He put the kit away and grabbed Adam a glass of cold water, and by the time he returned to the living room Adam was laid out on the couch, Eddie curled half on top of him. He set the water on the end table, laid a blanket over him, and dimmed the lights before sitting in the chair with his coffee and a book. He’d be there if Adam needed him, sleep be damned.

Sunlight shining through the window woke Steve up. He placed his still-open book on the end table and stretched. He was far too old to sleep in chairs. Looking over he saw that Adam and Eddie were still fast asleep where he left them, so he headed into the kitchen to make some breakfast. As he prepared the omelet he checked the time, swearing softly when he realized he had overslept and that Danny would be there soon. Running up to his room to grab his phone, he shot Danny a quick text.

_Adam’s in the living room. Enter QUIETLY. I’ll explain later_

To his credit, Danny did enter quietly a few minutes later. Despite his quiet entrance, he quickly returned to his loud nature.

“Are you gonna explain-“

Steve shot him a glare and he lowered his voice.

“Are you gonna explain why Adam is passed out on your couch with Eddie half on top of him, and why you look like hell?”

Steve sighed and picked at his eggs.

“He showed up at my door at like 2:30 this morning. He had a nightmare then a PTSD flashback and tore into his arm pretty good. By the time I had him all patched up Eddie had him practically pinned to the couch. He passed out pretty quick and I let him sleep, and I fell asleep in the chair in case he needed me.”

“Jesus,” Danny said with a shake of his head. “Poor guy just can’t catch a break.”

They sat in silence before Adam trudged him with the blanket wrapped around his shoulders. His hair was sticking in every direction, his eyes were puffy, and yet Steve couldn’t stop the little twinge in his chest. He nodded towards the coffee machine and Adam gave him a grateful look. As he made a cup Eddie sat obediently at his side. Danny looked between the two and sighed inwardly.

“You two take the day off and try to get some rest. You both look like hell.”

Adam startled as if he hadn’t even noticed Danny’s presence, but nodded slowly. Steve opened his mouth to argue but Danny lifted a hand.

“Don’t even bother, Steven. I’ll make sure everything is taken care of, and if I see either of you at the office, I will personally kick your ass. Capiche?”

Steve nodded in defeat and Danny took his leave. As they heard the Camaro pull out of the driveway, Adam dropped into the seat Danny had just vacated. Sipping his coffee slowly, he avoided eye-contact with the other man. Steve poked at his eggs some more desperately trying to come up with something to break the uncomfortable silence that was growing.

“You hungry? I can fix you up an omelet if you’d like.”

Adam looked startled once again, but shifted his focus to Steve.

“Uh, yeah actually. Do you have red peppers?” He tried to ignore how raspy his voice was.

“Of course! One omelet with extra red peppers comin’ up.”

A few minutes later as Adam was eating his breakfast, an uncomfortable silence fell once more. Finally, he built up the courage to speak.

“Look, Steve. I, uh, just wanted to say thanks for everything. You didn’t have to do all this, and I really appreciate it.”

“I did have to do this. Adam, I’ve been where you are, I know what it feels like. And I know how hard it is to handle on your own. I’m not gonna leave you alone to struggle. We’re ohana, Adam. I will always have your back.”

Adam tried to fight back the tears that were pricking at his eyes. He was at a loss for words.

“I don’t know how to thank you.”

“Don’t worry about it.”

After Adam finished eating and Steve cleared the table, he turned around.

“I have something I want to show you. I have some clothes upstairs you can wear.”

Adam was puzzled, but nodded. A little while later, they were both showered and dressed and Steve was loading a backpack with some food and water. Adam stood watching in the doorway, feeling slightly more like himself.

“Where are we going?” He asked.

“You’ll see.”

Soon enough they were in Steve’s truck and heading out of the city. The silence was comfortable this time, and Adam gazed out the window, letting his mind wander as he watched the scenery fly by. A few minutes later they came to a stop at a trail head. They climbed out of the truck and began their hike.

An hour or two later, as the sun was climbing high in the sky, Steve finally came to a stop. Adam followed a moment later and stopped to take a swig of water before looking around. They had stopped on a rocky outcropping, nothing but trees visible for as far as the eye could see. Steve sat down.

“This is where I go when I just need to get away. When everything gets too much, when I feel like I can’t take it anymore. I come up here and just _breathe_. Nothing matters here. Nobody comes up here, there’s no cell service- nothing but you and the land. Danny knows about this place, but he doesn’t know where it is. You’re the only person.”

Adam’s heart skipped a beat.

“Why are you showing me this?”

Steve turned to face him.

“I know where you are, Adam- I’ve been there. So I’m offering you this. It’s a safe space you can come to when you need to be alone, or I can come with you. I promise if you ever need me to, I’ll come along no questions asked.”

Adam blinked back tears, averting his gaze to the ground. He drew mindlessly in the dirt as they sat in silence. He looked out over the trees and took a breath.

“Steve can I… can I tell you something?”

“Anything.”

“I think I need to leave the team.”

Steve blinked.

“Why?”

“Well um,” he gave a derisive chuckle. “I, uh, well you, I guess.”

Steve cocked his head.

“Me? What do you mean?” he asked, puzzlement evident in his voice.

Adam swallowed the lump in his throat and threw a broken twig into the sea of trees beneath them.

“You’re… you. You have a heart of gold and you’d give someone the shirt off your back if you needed to. You always do what’s right, no matter what. You’re like, a dream, Steve. You’ve had my back even when I probably didn’t deserve it, and I can’t ever thank you for that.”

A tear rolled down his cheek, and he held up a hand as Steve opened his mouth.

“Plus you’ve got Danny, and he’s also one of the best men I’ve ever met. You two are two sides of the same coin, and I can’t interfere with that. I can’t ruin our team just because of some irrational feelings I can’t control.”

They sat in silence for a moment as more tears rolled down Adam’s cheeks. He watched a bird soar loftily in the sky, and felt nothing but hatred for himself. He had ruined the best thing that had ever happened to him, and for what? For nothing.

“Adam,” Steve began, clearing his throat. “I, uh, I have something to tell you.”

Adam braced himself.

“Danny and I have talked about you. More than once, actually. I just didn’t want to bring it up and make you uncomfortable.”

“What?”

“I’m saying that we’ve got room for one more, Adam. I’m saying that we love you too. I’m saying that you’re one of the best people I’ve ever met.”

Adam stared at him in shock, and Steve met his gaze with intensity.

“Adam, just say the word. You want everything or nothing or something in-between and we’ll make it work.”

“I don’t know what to say.”

“Well ‘yes’ would be a good start.” Steve replied with a chuckle.

Adam couldn’t help but laugh.

“You’re right, Steve. I’m saying yes.” He couldn’t stop the bright grin that spread across his face. “I’m saying yes, yes to you and yes to Danny and yes to everything.”

Steve smiled widely, and Adam couldn’t ignore the little flip in his stomach. They looked at each other before blushing and breaking eye contact.

“Hey can I tell you something else?”

“Of course, Adam.”

“I really want to kiss you right now.”

Steve just smiled and leaned in. Adam hated the cliché, but he felt his stomach explode into butterflies as their lips touched. They broke apart a little breathlessly.

“Oh, Danny is gonna be pissed he missed this.” Steve stated with a laugh.

“Speaking of Danny, how are you planning on bringing this up?”

Steve checked his watch.

“Well if we leave now, we could surprise him for lunch.”

“Oh I’m sure he’s gonna _love_ that.” Adam replied sarcastically.

\--

Tani was just in her office eating lunch and catching up on paperwork, nobody could blame a girl for that, right? It wasn’t her fault the whole office was made of glass. And it definitely wasn’t her fault Steve and Adam hadn’t noticed her when they walked in with food. If she watched Danny choke on his drink after Steve said something, nobody could blame her for being curious. As for ducking behind her desk when Danny scanned the office for any prying eyes before softly kissing Adam, well nobody could break up such a tender moment! And lastly, if she happened to send a text to Lou and Junior about a bet, well nobody can blame a girl for claiming money that’s rightfully hers.

**Author's Note:**

> I hope you enjoyed this! I've decided I'm gonna make most of my mcdannoshimuri fics into a series, though I doubt any of them will actually relate to each other.  
> Please leave a comment!!
> 
> Title from Twin Size Mattress by The Front Bottoms


End file.
